New Life & Death: Two Sides of the Same Coin

There’s so much slow waiting at the end of life (at least with a slow death). Similarly, there is so much waiting, anticipating the arrival of new life. You’re pregnant, managing fine, and then the dragging on of those last couple of weeks. . . the delivery cannot come soon enough.

Both events are life changing; both events cause so much upheaval and uncertainty. Naturally with death, we expect a certain amount of discomfort, of pain. But surprisingly, welcoming a new baby can bring some similar feelings – discomfort, pain, even regret. . . life as you know it is shifting, and you can’t quite figure out how. Deaths and births are also incredibly inconvenient. Life must stop for them to make their appearances; they arrive not when it’s convenient or best for anyone else.

When I lost my mom at 26, well before the birth of my son nine years later, it was agonizing, and I was left reeling in grief. However, over time, I recognized the ways her death allowed me to grow, to learn, maybe even to be a little more like her? These glimmers of beauty certainly softened the edges of my pain (e.g. my love for native plants, birdwatching, the miraculous patience I can muster while I’m with my 3-year-old). However, unlike what society would like us to think, welcoming a baby is not always rainbows and butterflies. Instead, a baby’s arrival can be fraught with difficulty, pain, struggle. But, with time, sometimes very slowly, comes beauty, self-confidence, trust that you can handle this path.

Both life changing events are inconvenient and disruptive, throwing your world into upheaval. Both demand that you grapple with the unknown. And both leave permanent marks, shaping who you are in ways you never could have anticipated.